Conspiracy Theories

Hahahaha. I know it is very mean and uncool of me, but I could help but think this was really funny. And this too.

Poor Marion Cotillard. Now that she has her Oscar and she's all psyched to become an international A-list celebrity (which are admittedly rather rare in France) she's all regretting everything she said about the conspiracies, and has fallen back on the old "My words were taken out of context!" excuse.

Then again, I don't know if it's just the kind of people I know in France or what, but it seems to me that a majority of French people are really into conspiracy theories. The H and the in-laws are definitely no exception.

So this was a recurring conversation for awhile:
(Entire family of in-laws, plus the H and I at dinner)
FIL: (ranting after several glasses of wine): Blah blah blah...and everyone KNOWS that 9/11 is a conspiracy too!!!!
Me: Um, no it's not. It was totally real. I was in NYC when it happened.
FIL: Well, yes, it HAPPENED, but everyone KNOWS that it was done by the US government.
Me: Um, no it wasn't. It was done by Al-Qaeda.
FIL: (snorts) Why would you think that? Everyone KNOWS that the US government planted bombs in the bottom of the WTC!
Me: Uh, because Al-Qaeda was like, "HEY EVERYONE, WE DID IT! WE TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY! WOOOOOHOOOOOO!"?
FIL: Don't be silly! That was faked too! You can tell because the building collapsed from the bottom.
Me: No it didn't. It collapsed right under where the 767's crashed. All that fuel and everything created a lot of structural damage what with the intense heat.
FIL: Haha! Or so the US government says...! I'm telling you, because I KNOW, that it was all planned out by the US. Like Pearl Harbor. So you would have an excuse to attack Iraq.
Me: Oh, man. Well, first of all, Pearl Harbor wasn't planned. Because what happened was that the US intercepted all the messages, yes, but they were short on codebreakers, so most likely, the message about Pearl Harbor was sitting in the inbox of some tired and overworked codebreaker by the time Pearl Harbor happened. In addition, the waters of Pearl Harbor are quite shallow, which is not very conducive to a bombing, as everyone thought that the bombs would go "Plop! Fizz! Splat!" in the mud. Moreover, the US had not wanted to get involved in WWII as we were into our isolationist policy and coming out of the Great Depression. In fact, the US was about to sign a non-aggression pact with Hitler, but then we got roped into the war when A) the French were brutally defeated by Blitzkrieg in 1940 and despite their deep hatred for the Brits were suddenly all, "Merde, we 'ave lost; you come 'elp us now, non?" and then B) the British, what with all their territories and being the largest empire ever, were totally cracking under the pressure because they had to help France and set up the French Resistance, and so they were all, "Blimey, could you help us, mate?" to the US, to which Congress replied several times, "Um, no, but we'll give you money," and then...
FIL: (interrupting my fascinating lecture about American involvement in World War II) Whatever! That's all bull! We all KNOW that the US government is behind every single conspiracy! Like, that flight were SUPPOSEDLY the passengers kept the terrorists from crashing into like, the White House.
Me: That would be United 93. Also known as UA93, via the IATA designator...
FIL: (interrupting my fascinating lecture about IATA designator codes) Whatever! It was totally a FAKE FLIGHT. Like, the government MADE UP those transcripts!
H: Or, I bet you the flight was SHOT DOWN by the US MILITARY.
Me: Oh, please. It was a real flight. With real people. Why would the government spend all that time and money to make up a flight with transcripts?
FIL: Because. Duh! That's what the US government does. EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
Me: I don't know. I mean, how do YOU know? It sounds REALLY far-fetched to me. I mean, they would have had to be planning all this stuff for like, 10 years. And I know there were real people on United 93 because the brother of this girl I used to vaguely know when I was a kid was on that flight.
FIL: Oh, you Americans are so NAIVE! You believe everything people tell you!
Me: (thinking in head, "Well, I don't know, I am not believing anything YOU are saying...")
FIL: You people have no idea how the world REALLY works. I mean, everyone knows that accidents don't just "happen".
Me: Um, yes they do. It's just that in the case of really big disasters, they are always freak accidents and there are always weird anomalies that no one can figure out. That's why they are freak accidents. Like you know, back in the 1980's when Pan Am 103 blew up over Lockerbie, Scotland, or the Tenerife incident, which was like, the biggest accident in commercial aviation, when those two 747's crashed into each other on the run...
FIL: (interrupting my fascinating lecture on commercial airline disasters) Whatever. My point is that the world is full of conspiracy theories.
H: Yeah, like those two French guys who just so happened to be filming a documentary about firefighters and they just so happened to be at a firehouse when 9/11 happened? You know they knew about it.
Me: I don't know. Why would 2 random French guys know anything in advance.
H: Duh. Because they are like, rich, so they know everything.
Me: What?! That doesn't even make any sense.
FIL: Yeah, and like, people think that the US actually LANDED ON THE MOON.
Me: But they did!
H: No, they didn't. EVERYONE KNOWS that it was all filmed in a TV studio because there was the Cold War going on so you had to beat Russia to the punch. Why else has no one ever set foot on the moon since the 1970's?
Me: Maybe because you can't actually LIVE on the moon. There's like, no oxygen. So it must be very expensive to suit up and head over to the moon. And you can't do anything on it except you know, leap around in an unwieldly space suit and be all attached to oxygen.
H: (snorting) Whatever. That is so stupid. The US government totally faked the moon thing.
FIL: Yeah, and JFK was totally assassinated by the US government.
H: Or the mob.
FIL: Yeah. You Americans just don't understand ANYTHING. You are all so innocent and naive and easily gobble up all those excuses your government tells you. I KNOW.
Me: Um. Okay. You people are weird and are freaking me out. I can't believe you all believe all this crap. I have to go smoke now.