Damn you, (Apple) France!

Arrrrgggghhhh!

As you may remember in a previous post, I had been having major problems with Apple

Last night, the messenger rang the buzzer, I let him upstairs, and then I signed my name and wrote "Refusé" to prove that I had indeed REFUSED the stupid package. The messenger, breathless from climbing the 6 flights of stairs was all, "Why are you refusing the package?" "Because," I said, exasperated at the mere thought of it all, "I called them like a zillion years ago to cancel the damn thing and they wouldn't cancel it and said I had to refuse the package." "Oh, uh, okay, have a nice evening," said the messenger, then he fled at top speed, probably because he could see I was so going to launch into a tirade if he stayed another minute.

So I thought the problem was solved, as I had still not been charged 95.68 euros or anything and I was in a relatively upbeat mood as not only was the problem solved, but I will also be heading back to the good old USA in 8 days.

Imagine my anger when I picked up the mail this afternoon and opened up an envelope addressed to yours truly, which happened to contain a bill from Apple France for 95.68 euros. And which also happened to say that the bill was PAID WITH MY CREDIT CARD.

I was REALLY PISSED OFF.

I called the Apple Store, as Mr. "It's Against the Law to Give Out My Name" had suggested that for any further problems, I should call them rather than tech support. So I called a toll free number (yay!) and was immediately connected to a nice guy who introduced himself as Pierre. I told Pierre the whole story whereupon he sounded very confused and was all, "Yeah, I don't have anything about this whole wanting to cancel the order in your dossier." "I KNEW IT!!!" I literally shrieked. "THAT GUY I TALKED TO WOULDN'T GIVE ME HIS NAME!! NOW I HAVE NO PROOF! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!!!" Pierre was starting to sound a little nervous, as now he was saying, "Well, effectively, the person you spoke to was not correct, and what you are supposed to do is sign for the package, then call us back and we send another messenger to pick up the package and THEN you don't get charged." "WHAT?!" I shouted. "THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE THAN WHAT THE MYSTERY MAN SAID! WHATEVER! JUST GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!"
Pierre was definitely terrified now, as he asked me for a phone number and said he would put the instruction through on my dossier that I wanted to be reimbursed. He then explained that once Apple France received the package that I had rejected, I would be reimbursed fully and completely. "What, so like, 2 weeks from now?" I asked. "No, it should only take about 5 business days," said Pierre. "Yeah, whatever," I snarled. "That means it will be 6 months from now." Then I hung up.

30 minutes later, Pierre called me back in a complete panic, saying that he had been working on my dossier since I had called and he rushed to speak to his supervisor who told him I had to take it up with Apple Tech Support, and that if I called Tech Support RIGHT NOW it would only be a 5 minute wait. So I promptly hung up on Pierre and called Tech Support (it was an 8 minute wait) and was connected to Charlotte. I explained the ENTIRE STORY AGAIN to Charlotte, who seemed thoroughly confused by the time I finished talking 15 minutes later. She looked up my dossier, then said, "Ah, okay, I see," and I said, "Yeah, so give me back my money." Charlotte said, "But we sent you the bill, we didn't charge you yet." "Oh yeah?!" I snarled again. "Let me inform you that I happened to check my bank account online and indeed, I am short exactly 95.68 euros in my account and it just so happens to have been charged by APPLE FRANCE." "Please hold," said Charlotte, and left me there for 20 minutes before coming back and saying that she spoke to her supervisor, who put in a "request for reimbursement, so you should be receive your money back in 3 - 6 weeks." "Daaang," I said, "you guys work REALLY slow. 8 weeks to get my prepare my one lousy CD for shipment, then 6 weeks to reimburse me the money you WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE TAKEN??????? You're supposed to HELP people, not PISS THEM OFF," I said pointedly. "Yes, well, I'm very sorry, ma'am, but we have to wait for the package to come back, since you have rejected it, and then we have to put in a request in the computer to reimburse you, so it takes a long time." "Yeah, well, you weren't even supposed to CHARGE ME," I said. "I know, because I called your tech support line on November 17th and I waited on hold for an hour and the guy who wouldn't give me his name said I wouldn't be charged. And yet, YOU CHARGED ME," I said meanly. "Oh, well, I'm terribly sorry that there has been a mistake, but do feel free to call us back if you haven't been reimbursed 6 weeks from now," said Charlotte, before she hung up on me.

Great. Now the H is going to be really mad at me. He's going to be all "I told you so". I mean, excuse me, but it's called CUSTOMER SUPPORT. I'm sorry if I happen to be from somewhere outside the alternate reality bubble of France, but in normal-people world, customer support does not make up random delivery dates, insist that it is against the law to cancel an order, or go around charging you for stuff you don't want. Plus, I really hate it how they make you pay a high fee for customer support, then put you on hold for 20 minutes and come back explaining "I spoke with my supervisor" when you KNOW that they totally went outside for a cigarette and coffee break, chatting for 20 minutes with their colleagues about where they will be vacationing and what they are going to do with their 300 RTT's.