Love, Frenchie-style

I've been pondering over this one for awhile.
Maybe it's because I'm American, or maybe it's because I'm from NYC, but I get the distinct impression that French people are much more serious about relationships than we are.

In NYC, I'd say that there are lots of single people. Perhaps there are more single people than married people. In fact, a majority of my American friends are single. But in France, a single person is a very rare find.

When I met what would be the first group of my French friends, I'd noticed that they were all couples. So when I came to Paris to study many years ago, and my French friends introduced me to their friends, and so on and so on, EVERYONE was in a serious long term relationship. They'd all been with their girlfriends/boyfriends for at least 6 years. I should point out that we were like, 22 at the time.

I pointed out my observation to the H the other day, who reacted quite defensively (as is inevitable, because he and most other French people think an observation over cultural differences is automatically an insult to the French). "Oh, yeah?" he said. "Well, I think it's nice. It's better to be in a serious relationship when you're 18 than to go running around sleeping with every other person and their mom!" "Yeah, I didn't say it was a bad thing," I pointed out. "I'm just saying, it's kind of strange because when you're young, your first instinct is NOT to settle down with the same person you've been dating since you were like, 14. It's quite rare to marry your high school sweetheart these days."

Case in point: almost every French person I know right now is in a serious relationship that has lasted a minimum of 5 years. In fact, a majority of the Frenchies I know have been in their relationships for at least 10 years. (Almost none of them are married, but that's another topic). SIL is 18, soon to be 19, and she has been with her boyfriend for over 2 years. H himself, before we started going out, had been with his ex-girlfriend for 5 years - they even lived together (they weren't even 25, but had been living together for a good 2 - 3 years already).

Another interesting thing I have noticed is that the French tend to date within their circle of friends. So basically, everyone knows each other since they were in kindergarten, and they've all dated each other. For example, my friend whom I will call Françoise, was single for about a year. She was living in Dijon because she was going to school there, and I went to visit her once a few years ago, and was introduced to their circle of friends, which included at the time, this guy whom I shall call Christophe and his girlfriend of 8 years, whom I shall call Carine. (By the way, they were all like, 24 at the time). Suffice it to say that I was quite surprised when I found out about 2 years later that Françoise and Christophe had gotten married! I was all, "Whoa, I can't believe they got married! How awkward!" H was all, "What are you talking about?" I said, "Well, it's weird because Christophe was with Carine for like, 8 years when I met them all 2 years ago. So it's weird because they were all in the same group of friends and they've all known each other since they were kids." "I don't think it's awkward," said the H. "Dude, what are you talking about? It is SO awkward! Like, what if they run into Carine, which would undoubtedly happen since they are all in the same group of friends????" "Oh," said H nonchalantly, "It's no big deal. Everyone sort of dates the same people in their group, so I don't think it would be awkward for anyone. Besides, I really don't think this Carine person would really care very much. They'd already been together for 8 years, so they obviously broke up because they couldn't stand each other anymore." "Hmmm," I said, "very interesting. Very weird. How very French."

Then again, I also find that people inevitably equate you with your ex in this country. For example, when people mention FSIL's ex boyfriend (whom she was with for 8 years), and whom I shall call Alex, it goes like this, "Ah, yes, Alex who used to be with FSIL, but now he's married to some American girl." Or even with the H (whose ex I shall call Laura): "Ah, yes, H, who used to go out with Laura, he got married this year." It even happens with some of my best friends: "Ah, Fanny, who used to go out with Greg before she got together with Paul, now Fanny and Paul have 2 children!" In fact, recently the H had gotten a phone call from an acquaintance who coincidentally knew some guy H had gone to high school with, though H hasn't actually seen this guy since high school. His acquaintance had called to congratulate him on his impending fatherhood, which he had heard about from this guy from high school. Obviously, H was very confused about his "impending fatherhood" because as far as he knew, we weren't pregnant. It turned out that the guy from high school had heard that H's ex-girlfriend was pregnant and just assumed that she and H were still together.

Anyway, apparently I seem to be the only one who is surprised that SIL and her BF are still going strong. I mean, they've been going out since they were 16, and SIL is actually a year older than her BF. So when SIL got her bac in high school, and set off for fashion school, I was absolutely CONVINCED that she was totally going to break up with her BF. After all, I'd said to the H, "It is totally NOT cool for a girl to be out of high school and to have a BF who is still in high school." "I don't know," the H had said, skeptically. "That's not a reason to break up with someone." "Oh, please," I'd said. "Who takes a relationship that seriously when they're 17?" Obviously, SIL and her BF do, because she is now in her 2nd year of fashion school and they are STILL together. MIL just LOVES SIL's BF. I guess she's imagining wedding bells and everything, because she always tells us how great BF is and how SIL "has always said she wanted to get married and have children at a young age." MIL regularly sees BF's parents and she often invites them over for dinner. (Though I don't think this is something that all French parents do, I think MIL just really loves her children's significant others). "Dude," I said to the H once, "it's going to SO WEIRD when SIL and BF break up, and your mom runs into BF's mom at the supermarket and all..." "Who says they're breaking up?" asked the H. "Well, duh, it's like, so obvious, I mean, who marries the person they've been dating since they were 16 these days? NO ONE!" I said triumphantly. "Well, we don't know that. They're still together now," said the H. "Oh, whatever. They're totally going to break up in 5-7 years and your mom is going to be completely heartbroken. Like when you and your ex-girlfriend broke up after 5 years. I'm pretty sure your mom was hearing wedding bells back then, too," I pointed out. "Ohhhhh" said the H. "I see your point now."