Juicy Tidbits

This past weekend, H and I hung out with my French Best Friend (FBF) and his fiancée. We got to talking about (what else?) Sarko and politics and let's just say that FBF has it on very good authority the following rumors that are circulating: (though, to be honest, a lot of it seems to be common knowledge among the French)

- Sarko became mayor of Neuilly at the age of 29...by dating the daughter of the mayor who was already in office at the the time (Peretti)...apparently Sarko infiltrated and stole all the contacts in Peretti's network and then when it came time for elections, he totally stabbed Peretti in the back and pushed him out of office.
- Rachida Dati (currently Minister of Justice) slept with Sarko. That's how she became Minister of Justice.
- Rama Yade (age 32, currently Minister of Human Rights or something of that sort) slept with Sarko. That's how she became Minister at the age of 32. Also, she is not a very nice person.
- Sarko dated Claude Chirac, daughter of Jacques, even though he was married at the time. That's how he got to where he is now. (Though, the New York Times has reported this before, so everyone knows this tidbit).
- When Cecilia was marrying her then husband Jacques Martin, it was Sarko, who, as the mayor of Neuilly, married them. He then turned around and married Cecilia like, 5 minutes later.
- Sarko likes to take one of his mistresses (Rachida or Rama) on official visits.
- Sarko once took Rachida AND Rama on an official visit. This led to a major catfight/power struggle between the two.

All this info led to the following conclusions:

- Sarko probably got fed up with Rachida and Rama, raised his arm, rolled his eyes, and was all "Bitch, please!" then bought himself a Mistress Upgrade in the form of Carla Bruni (though the New York Times reported this morning that they are apparently already married).
- Sarko might have his hands full with Carla Bruni - she is an A-list celebrity (in France) so who is he going to upgrade to when she starts getting on his nerves? It's like he upgraded from Economy class to Business, and now he can't upgrade to First Class because there is no First Class cabin on the plane!
- FBF says that the only way Sarko can possibly do better than Carla Bruni is to upgrade to Madonna. I don't know about that...frankly, Madonna is more powerful than Sarko. And she probably would not put up with him. She is, after all, the Queen of Reinvention and Change, and she is most likely a major control freak.
- We then thought maybe Sarko could upgrade to Angelina Jolie, but she's dating Brad Pitt, so why on earth would she want to date Sarko? Also, she's got a giant brood of kids, and I get the impression that Sarko is not fond of children.
- Then we realized that Carla probably won't be allowed to be controlling with Sarko because he probably made her sign a contract in blood.
- Which means that Rachida and Rama are probably very pissed off right now.
- Saying that Sarko is not afraid to trample people on his way up is a major understatement.
- And Sarko is very annoying and acts more like a movie star than a president, what with his reflective Ray-Bans, and whining about how the press won't stay out of his private life, when we all know that he totally called up the media and was all, "Hey guys, I'm visiting Egypt with Carla Bruni! Come check it out! 3 pm in front of the pyramid!"
- Sarko is a very gifted public speaker, obviously has a way with words, and is really good with comebacks, in manner of such great public speakers as Hitler. Unfortunately, also in manner of Hitler, Sarko is obviously completely deranged.
- He is so going to kiss the ass of whomever the new American president will be, in manner that will make people cringe and say, "Ewwwww!"
- He's managed to cunningly destroy the Socialist Party and thus get rid of all his possible rivals such as Dominique Strauss-Kahn, and now all he has to do is figure out how to dispose of Bertrand Delanoë (current mayor of Paris).
- Why is Sarko like, NEVER in France, dealing with domestic issues? He's ALWAYS on some official visit. And he always looks very short compared with all the other world leaders. Whenever you see pics of him with world leaders, they all have this statuesque presence that makes them look like Aragorn and Sarko inevitably looks like Gollum.