Aaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh......

Last week was not a good week - I pretty much had what could almost be called a nervous breakdown. I'm still pretty depressed right now. I won't go into details right now, but things have not been made better after my encounters with Apple France:

As I mentioned in a previous post, my Powerbook G4 was having problems starting up, so I called Apple US support and we figured out that I needed the installation CD that came with the computer...which I seem to have misplaced. So I was directed to call Apple France, a hotline with a phone number that costs like 800 euros per call, to order a CD to be delivered to me here in France, as Apple US could not deliver over to here. I had called on November 1st (I remember it perfectly, as it was Toussaint), got cut off the first time after 40 mins of waiting, then had to call back again. The bee-yotch took down my credit card number and my address, phone number, and email, and assured me the CD would be at my place within 2 weeks. On Nov 15th I called Apple France and was all, "Dude, where's my CD?" to be put on hold for literally 30 minutes and then to be told afterwards, "Uh, actually, the CD will probably arrive sometime in the next 28 days, starting from today. But we don't know exactly when it will come. It might take longer than 28 days. Sorry, but we can't confirm when it will ship out." I demanded to know why they told me 2 weeks on Nov 1st and were now telling me 28 days from Nov 15th. All I got was a defensive "Well, ma'am, I can understand your frustration but this is hardly my fault. I can't tell you when it will come. Probably sometime in the next 28 days, but I don't know. I guess you could cancel it if you wanted to." "So," I said, "what you are basically saying is, I was guaranteed it would come in the next 2 weeks starting Nov 1st, but on Nov 15th, it will take a minimum of 28 days to come, and you don't know why or how, and you can't even confirm anything, BUT this is not your fault." "That is correct, ma'am," said the French girl without a hint of irony. I hung up and fumed for about an hour. I realized that in less than 3 weeks, I would be in NYC for the holidays, so I could just order it from the US and have it ship to my mom's place.

The next day I called Apple US and ordered the CD. I explained the French problem. Apple US assured me the CD would arrive within 2 days at my US address and that it would be totally free. (As opposed to 100 euros here in France). The entire call took less than 30 minutes. Then, seeing it was 8:40 pm, I called Apple France, as the Apple US representative assured me that "All our customer service helplines around the world are open from 9 am to 9 pm." When I called Apple France, I was greeted with the following automated message: "Apple France is currently closed. We are open Monday through Friday, from 9 am to 7:45 pm and on Saturday, from 10 am to 7:45 pm." Hmmmph.

So I called Apple France on Saturday and asked to cancel the order. Upon which they put me on hold for 20 mins then the asshole came back on the phone and informed me that "we can't cancel the order". I said, "But I don't want it anymore. I'm leaving for the US and they are sending me one within 2 days. FOR FREE". "Ah," said the Frenchman. "Please hold". He put me on hold for another 15 mins (I'm pretty sure he was just off for a cigarette break) then came back and informed me, "We cannot cancel your order. But, you can refuse delivery when it arrives, and you won't be charged." I told him that didn't make any sense whatsoever. "What do you mean, you can't cancel the order? Just go into your computer and CANCEL THE ORDER" The guy said that "In Europe, we have a law where we are not allowed to cancel orders. You will just have to wait for it to be delivered and not sign for the package, then they will return it to us, and you won't be charged." "Doesn't that sound unnecessarily complicated?" I asked. "I mean, you say it won't even be ready before the next 28 days, so it just sounds like a lot of work to order it, ship it out, and then have me refuse to sign for it, and then ship it back to you. Isn't that kind of expensive for you? Wouldn't it be easier if you cancelled it now, then you could avoid all that hassle?" The French guy was all, "Please hold" and I waited another 20 minutes before he came back and said "I checked with my superior over in Cork. That's in IRELAND. We can't cancel your order because it's against the law". There was silence on my part because I was thinking "Wow, that sentence was so weird" but then I said, "Okay, fine, I am just going to note for my records here: 'Called Apple France on November 17 at 13h38 and spoke with Mr....?" French guy got all defensive: "It's not MY fault you know, it's against the law, you are just going to have to reject delivery." "Yeah I get it, it's not your fault, but I would like to note this for my records, in case something goes wrong, then I have proof. Could you tell me your name please, Mr....?" French guy was all, "No, I am not allowed to give you my name. BUT - I have noted everything in your dossier, so if there is a problem when you call, my superior's name is noted so there is proof, don't worry about that." "Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked incredulously. "No, ma'am. It is against European law for me to give you my name. I'm not allowed to." "Not allowed to, or don't want to?" I asked. "Listen," said the French guy, "imagine you go to an appliance store and buy a refrigerator..." "No, YOU listen," I said, trying to interrupt. "This is not the way you treat customers," I started, but the French guy only raised his voice louder in order to drown me out. "And you buy a refrigerator," he continued, "and they deliver it to you, and there is a leak, so you can either refuse delivery of the fridge, or you can sign for it, and then you have a fridge with a leak. You get it?" he asked triumphantly. "Uh, all I understand, Bub, is that you have my credit card number and won't cancel my order, but instead I have to make sure I don't sign for the package, and then you say you won't charge me, but I have no proof, and you don't even want to give me your name because supposedly you marked it in my dossier, but for all I know, you wrote 'God, this woman is really annoying and difficult', and then you put down your colleague's name, or a fake one," I summarized. French guy got very defensive. "I told you this is not my fault, and I told you it is against the law to cancel an order." "Look, I didn't say it was YOUR fault, so stop getting all hissy on me, and not being able to cancel an order doesn't make any sense," I said. "Anyway," I continued, "I am now writing 'Called Apple France on Nov 17, 2007, at 13h38 and now it is 14h30, and Mr. Won't Give Me His Name says it is against European law to cancel an order and to give out his name, so must wait til package arrives so I can refuse it, and I won't get charged any fees, and Monsieur checked with his supervisor in Cork which in Ireland, and Monsieur has noted everything down in my dossier number, and it is not Monsieur's fault...' There, I've noted everything down," I told him. "Have a nice day," I said, and hung up.

The H had been listening to the entire conversation. "I told you not to order the CD," he said. "Now look what's happening." "Well, excuse you," I said, "but since when do people treat customers like this? Oh wait, I forgot, this is normal in France."