Job Hunting

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!

The job hunting is not going well. Or maybe it is, but I just think it is not, only because I'm impatient for a job. I've been looking since mid-March and we are already in June now and I'm starting to get worried - I didn't think the job search would take so long.

That said, I have had plenty of interviews. The thing is, there are days when I get several calls, almost in a wave, of people requesting to meet with me, and then there are those stretches of days when nothing happens at all. This week (and last week) have been these kinds of long days.

I was getting worried, if only because I keep getting called for interviews, but nothing comes of it. Part of me thinks that people are just very curious about me and they just want to see what I look like, because:
1) the very first thing people ask when they meet me is "Do you have working papers?" or "Are you authorized to work in the US?" or "Do you need to be sponsored for a visa?". (This is when I explain, "No, I'm a US citizen and the other person either sighs with relief or looks at me all weird). This also furthers my suspicion that no reads the cover letter part of your email, since I have explained everything in my cover letter.
2) Then I always inevitably get the question about what it was like working with Super Cool Creative Director Who Came To The Company After I Left. I am thus obliged to answer, "Um, no, I was at the company before the Superstar Celebrity Creative Director arrived." (To which people always give a disappointed "oh..!")
3) People then ask me, "Wow, so, how was it, working at these haute couture houses?", then, "How did you get to work there?", then "Is is hard to work in France/Italy?", and finally, "Do people in Europe sponsor for a work visa?"

And then to top it all off, people end up telling me stuff like, "Wow, your portfolios are great, but your profile is too upscale/luxury/haute couture." Which is really, really annoying because I mean, they've SEEN my resume, and sometimes they have SEEN some jpegs of my work, and they MUST OBVIOUSLY KNOW what my profile is! I mean, I make it a point to always include rough sketches that go with the aesthetic of the company I am interviewing at, but it's like, all anyone really remembers is my professional portfolio (of published work) and nothing else. Grrrrrr! So frustrating!!!!! (Not to mention that I'm looking for ASSISTANT positions, so we all know that it's not like I'm ACTUALLY going to sit down and DESIGN the entire collection - everyone knows that I will be spending all my time doing boring stuff like updating line sheets and probably a bunch of flat sketches and sending stuff out via FedEx.)

Finally, a little anecdote: I interviewed at Super Cool/Trendy/Famous Fashion House here in NY, whose style is very minimalist, very deconstruction...you get the idea. So before I went in, I did a bunch of rough sketches that went with the whole minimalist, deconstruction idea. But the weird thing was, when I went in to interview with the two Creative Directors, they were behaving really oddly. They were like, "Come in, have a seat!" so I sat down and they sat down across from me, and it was like....complete silence....for 1 minute....before I said, "Well, let me show you my portfolios!" As they thumbed through my portfolios, there was....complete silence....which was very odd because most people ask me questions of some sort whilst thumbing through the pages. Except this time, it was literally.....complete...silence. I started to worry, so I figured I should maybe talk a little bit, so I kept saying stuff like, "Blah blah, this was my inspiration...blah blah...and here you can see I modernized it, while keeping the general silhouette....blah blah...and I used a lot of brocades and velvets, but softened it with some silk chiffon and lace....and I was really intrigued by the shape of the sleeves, so I did a few details like this on the cuffs...and then with the knits, you can see I went with a fine cashmere, because with this stitch it shows up better, but then with this other group, I went with a chunky knit but added some tulle with it...." and I was greeted with...complete and total SILENCE. Of course, after a good 10 minutes of chatter with no response whatsoever, I started to get nervous and thought, "Well, maybe they don't appreciate the chatter?" so I shut up. After that, one of the directors says, "Well, we've just started looking, so we'll be in touch," which was said in manner of "Thanks, but no thanks". I mean, WTF was that? They obviously made up their minds before I even showed up, and I almost would have preferred that they cancel the meeting instead of making me trek all the way out to almost 12th Avenue in heels and my giant bag of portfolios (and spending like, $12 on the cab out there).

Ugh. I know, I know, the economy is bad and I just need to be patient because something will come up soon, but it is just KILLING ME because I am SO IMPATIENT right now.

Lost in the Supermarket

I know, I know, I have been quite scarce lately, but then again, I've been really busy this month.

Anyway, things are slowly moving along and the H is very slowly starting to adjust.

However, there was a bit of a crisis when we went food shopping. As everyone knows, I am a huge fan of Whole Foods, and especially of their 365 Whole Foods brand, which is excellent, not expensive, and is manufactured in factories with excellent separation techniques (to avoid cross-contamination with common allergens such as milk, wheat/gluten, nuts, shellfish, etc.)

Things the H has learned (to his dismay) about the US supermarkets:

1. There is no such thing as Picard (that classic French frozen foods store). Thus, we do not buy our herbs frozen, but rather fresh or dried. "What do you mean, you don't have frozen herbs??? What do you mean, there is no Picard?? Are you saying that you live like barbarians?!" was the H's response.
2. We Americans do not consider yogurt to be like, an actual dessert. Thus yogurt is sold in single-use containers and not in a 6 or 12 pack like in France. Plus, each yogurt is like, 99 cents or something. "Why are the yogurts so expensive? How do people eat dessert?" was the H's angry reaction. ("Ummm, yogurt is like, a snack you eat at like, 4:30 pm, or maybe you eat it with your granola and fruit in the morning," I retorted).
3. There is no cheese course in America. Not only that, but the cheeses imported in from France are like, a zillion dollars. "Why is cheese so expensive? We can't afford to buy cheese at these prices every day!" cried the H. ("Uh, yeah, that's because we Americans are not cheese freaks like in France and we do not eat cheese after every single meal," I said).
4. With the exception of Trader Joe's, wine here is quite pricey. Not only that, but the Italian and Australian wine sections are quite large, perhaps even larger than the French sections. "Why is wine so expensive? We cannot afford to spend $10 on a bottle of wine a day!" complained the H. ("Ummm, we don't drink wine with EVERY SINGLE meal here in the U.S.", was my response).
5. "Why is it so NOISY?!" exclaims the H, every time an ambulance/police car/ firetruck passes by. "Must they put their sirens on SO LOUD?!"

On the other hand, the H has remarked on quite a few positive points:

1. At least in NY, when you send a resume out, people actually respond.
2. The portions are HUGE. This is very good when he wants to buy a bottle of wine - he is very much into the large bottles that cost $7.
3. Pizza can be purchased and consumed by the slice rather than an individual pie. This also means much less wait time and you can even eat your food to go.
4. The Duane Reade Dollar Rewards Club is actually a pretty good deal. (When you get 100 points, you get $5 off your next purchase).
5. Whole Foods is actually not much more expensive than a regular old supermarket, especially when you buy the 365 Whole Foods brand. Plus, their stuff is way better.
6. You don't get penalized into buying a bag if you forgot to bring a bag to the supermarket. In fact, at Whole Foods, if you bring your own bag, they take 10 cents off your bill for each of your own bags that you bring.
7. Customer service is really efficient in the US. What's even cooler is that it's free to call them up and lots of times, they are open 24/7, so you could call them up at 3 am if you wanted to. For free. Oh yeah, and when you go out to eat, waiters fill up your water glasses all the time, without being asked to.

Attention whores!

Yes! Attention whores, the whole lot of them!

Just CALL THE DAMN VOTE, Indiana! (Or, more specifically, Lake County, Indiana!) You're killing us!

It's like, 1 AM and they STILL haven't finished counting!

What, are they counting ballots by hand?!

Arrrrrgggghhh!

You know, I always thought people from Indiana were weird. Though this is solely based on that time I met this girl from Indiana who told me all about how she has to drive across a river (like, literally, because apparently there wasn't a bridge, which I still cannot imagine) to get to her house and that she had sex like, 5 times a day in the woods (because her house is in like, total wilderness, which I guess is why there is no bridge over the river in front of her house).

Getting into the groove

I don't feel like talking about the saga of my apartment. It is still going on, re: the rent money and all, but I have only negative thoughts about the guy who subleted my apartment - negative thoughts in manner of "I want to strangle him", so I shall not say anything about it at all. For now.

Anyway, things are moving along. Except maybe our funds, from HSBC France. Supposedly HSBC France wired our money to our HSBC US bank account but it's been almost a week now and we still haven't received it. I am willing to bet that the delay is coming from France, and is not a US problem.

The great news is that we discovered a great little restaurant about 2 blocks from my apartment (which means delivery! Holla!) called S'Mac. It's tiny, and they serve all sorts of fancy mac 'n cheese varieties - and the best part (you knew this was coming) is that they serve GLUTEN FREE MAC N CHEESE!!!!!! I had the "Cheeseburger" mac n cheese yesterday for lunch, which consisted of cheddar and ground beef. It was SOOOOO good, but it was quite heavy, especially as I haven't eaten THAT much cheese in awhile, so I didn't feel so great afterwards, but I got better as the afternoon wore on.

Today we went to Mozzarelli's, a pizza place that serves GLUTEN FREE PIZZA and it was SOOOOOOO GOOD. Mozzarelli's is a little farther away, on 23rd between Park & Madison, but it was SOOOOO GOOD. They have all sorts of different GF pies, and you can order by the slice, like everyone else. I got a pepperoni slice and it was SOOOOO GOOD. It was almost just like a real pizza.

(BTW, shout out to Celiac Chicks for all the great GF restaurant reviews).

H is adjusting, slowly but surely. He never fails to be surprised by how friendly people are here, and how customer service oriented people are in stores and restaurants. Yesterday we headed over to explore the Whole Foods on Houston Street (we usually go to the one at Union Square) and it was like, so much better than the one at Union Square - it is much bigger and there are way fewer people, plus they have a special beer shop attached to the main store, and offer cooking classes! Anyway, I have been having major issues with my hair these days - I had recently noticed that my favorite Aveda Rosemary & Mint Shampoo listed "grains" as one of their ingredients! This unfortunately coincided with a massive attack of eczema on my body, and now not only do I have patches everywhere, but my hair is oily and my scalp is freaking out - it's all dry and itchy and weird. I figured Whole Body at Whole Foods would have something for me but I looked at all the labels on all the shampoos and almost all of them listed something along the lines of "wheat", "barley", "wheatgerm oil", "hops", etc. The only one that didn't have any of these kinds of ingredients was the Whole Foods 365 brand of shampoo. I figured I'd buy it, but asked the saleslady if she would know if their brand of shampoo contained gluten. She was quite perplexed, and said she wasn't sure, so she advised me not to buy it, but to call her at her direct line (she gave me her number) next week as she would send out an email to the Corporate Headquarters for me to make sure if it was gluten free or not. "Wow," said the H, "that is like, REALLY nice of her. Salespeople are very nice here." (I didn't really say anything, but I had a look of extreme smugness on my face).

Anyway, as I pointed out to the H, France is never far away - and then I showed him the ultimate thing - that we get Le Journal de France 2 (the 20h edition) on channel 25 here in the NY Metro area. (Luckily they still show it every evening at 19h, and it hasn't changed since I first started French classes at the age of 8). So now he can keep up with the news back home - which tonight included clips of people arguing about working hours (something about some unions and people who are mad about working overtime or something) and the importance of the month of May in terms of vacation days (apparently there are many vacation days in May and the best way to take advantage of them all is to get your RTT's in between all the official Catholic holidays, which means you can get up to like, almost 2 entire weeks of vacation for only like, 5 RTT's). Oh yeah, and something about the Tunisians being all annoyed at Sarko's visit (big surprise).

If anything, it's vaguely comforting to see that nothing really changes much in France.

Update

So we are more or less moved into the apartment now - everything is more or less clean (a few closets still need to be cleaned out, but the bulk of the apartment is now livable).

On Tuesday we ended up going up to Chelsea to see the guy who had subleted my apartment. He was supposed to stop by my place at 11 am, but he called us at like, 10:15 and we were still in the car on the way to the city from Mom's. He was all, "Hey, I'm in the neighborhood, can I stop by now?" and I was like, "Um, no...". He refused to stop by after work, so he suggested we go to his office to get the keys back. I was kind of annoyed about it, but the H said we'd better go because otherwise we would NEVER get the keys back.

So we took the crosstown bus over and I have to say, the guy was definitely getting over his pneumonia and other illnesses. He looked deathly pale and was really, really skinny, and had dark circles under his eyes. I was all, "Dude, what is up with the air conditioner?" which he claimed still worked, but it was so dirty and disgusting that I didn't even test it out. Then I was like, "Where's my check?" and he said he didn't have the money, and would let me know when he could give it to me. I did feel bad for him, but I was like, "Give me a check and I won't cash it now; I'll wait until you say it is okay to cash it." He didn't seem to want to do it, so I said his options were either to give me a check for the full amount, or else write me out some sort of payment plan - i.e. in 2 weeks he'll give me $200, in another 2 weeks, $250, etc. He didn't seem into that either, but finally I said, "Listen, I know it's been rough going for you, but you have to look at it from my point of view, too. I have to pay the bulk of the March rent plus the April one, and I still haven't been able to move in, because there is SO MUCH CLEANING to do." He was a bit pissy about it, but said he'd put a check in the mail (which I still have not received). He was also a bit pissy about the ConEd bill, insisting that when he talked to them, they said his payment was good until the next bill, so he didn't understand why there were new charges from the period of March 14 - April 14. He was all, "I'm not responsible for April 'cause I wasn't there," and then I was like, "Well, neither am I because I haven't been living there, and I didn't even set foot in there to start cleaning until the H arrived in NY, on April 14th." Finally he took the bill, said he would call ConEd and take care of it. Hmmmmph.

Hell Hath No Fury....

Grrrrrrrrrr.

That female time of the month came around this weekend...which happened to coincide with the Pope's visit.

The Pope was in NYC of course, but on Saturday he took a little trip up to Westchester...right near where Mom lives. So we had gone out to do some shopping and ended up being blocked from our own street. We realized this when on our regular route home, the whole street leading to my mom's little street was blocked, and the police officer said we had to go around to the other side of the street in order to get through. So we took like, a 30 minute detour only to be blocked from that side, too! The mean police officer on the other side refused to let us through despite our pleading that we were actually RESIDENTS on that street and he was all, "Too bad, you gonna have to wait til 8 pm." (It was like, 4 pm when he said that). I was really mean and upset because I was having major cramps and a headache and all I wanted was to go home, pop a couple of Advil, smoke a cigarette, and lie down. I mean, I have nothing against the Pope and all that, but still, I really do think residents of blocked off streets should be allowed through because some of us NEED to go home and do not want to spend all our time sitting in a car for four hours. Anyway, we ended up taking another detour which meant that we had to go the opposite direction down a one way street in order to get back to mom's. By that point, I was REALLY upset and ready to bitchslap anyone who got in my way.

In other news, the apartment is coming along, but now I am really mad at the guy who subleted. He finally responded via email last night that he has been up and around for the last 3 days (since he was recovering from pneumonia). I asked him to please stop by the apartment this week to give me back my keys, plus the remainder of the March rent, plus $70 of the $81.60 ConEd bill; also there was a bunch of mail for him and we needed to discuss the condition of my apartment. To which he responded that he was "quite frankly surprised" that I could be so upset because "I was residing in your apartment for the last 3 years and when you said you wanted it back, I gave it back to you without a hassle." Excuse you? It was a freaking sublet, of course you are supposed to give it back without a hassle! Then he said with three years of living in an apartment, I should expect the furniture to have wear and tear and I should expect to clean an apartment, which was why he paid an extra $100 on top of the regular rent, to cover the costs. Um, excuse you again, but my apartment was FULLY FURNISHED and okay, a little bit of dirt is ok, but NOT THREE YEARS OF DIRT! I am paying the April rent, but cannot even live in the freaking apartment because it is so DIRTY! And he should have ASKED ME before he went around taking apart my furniture! And he only wants to pay $40 for his half of the ConEd bill, but excuse me, the billing period is from Mar 14 - Apr 14 and the H didn't even arrive in NYC until the evening of Apr 13th. I went by the apartment once for 30 mins on like, Apr 12 to survey the damage done, so I am so not paying $40 for the 30 mins I was there. Not to mention, the guy sent me an email on April 6th at like, 10 pm to tell me he had vacated the apartment as of April 1st, but "my internet was down all last week and I didn't have anyone's phone number". Um, whose internet service could POSSIBLY be down for an ENTIRE WEEK in the NY Tri-State area???? Like, he couldn't go to a friend's house and use the internet, or go to an internet café????? And now he's all like, I don't have the money for the March rent; I'll pay you when I can. Well, I know the guy is having financial problems (he is also in trouble with the IRS) but I'm sorry, this is not my problem, and it's already almost May.

Argh! Mom says to be civil to him so I can a) get the keys back; and b) so I don't piss him off so much that he won't pay me the $820 + $70 for the rent and ConEd. But still, I am THIS CLOSE to bitchslapping his ass. I mean, he left a paper plate with leftover food on it under my bed! Who does that????? And who breaks your 4 year old air conditioner? I'm sorry, but air conditioners do not just break like that after 7 years, not if you take good care of it like normal people do.

Spring cleaning

Ugh.

So the H arrived on Sunday, and since Tuesday we have been spending all our time shopping for, and cleaning the apartment.

I had warned the H over the phone before his arrival that we should probably hire a cleaning lady (people tell me that it will probably be in the $60-70 range for a studio). The H kept saying, "Oh, it can't possibly be THAT bad; you'll see, we'll clean it ourselves and save that $70 for something else, like a new air conditioner!"

Well, when he went to look at my apartment on Monday, he was like, "Oh, crap." It was unfortunately quite overwhelmingly dirty. But seeing as he doesn't believe in hiring cleaning ladies, he was quite stubborn about us cleaning it ourselves (to my extreme dismay).

We spent several mornings going to places like Target, Bed, Bath & Beyond, and Ikea. In the afternoons, we clean. I have to be honest and say it is mostly the H who cleans, as I have a tendency to take many cigarette breaks (also because of the severe amount of dust in the apartment, I get massive allergy attacks the minute I touch something in there). Anyway, it took about 2 days, but we managed to completely clean every inch of the bathroom - and it looks really good! It is all white and shiny just like it used to be. Last night we got part of the kitchen done.

While it's nice to be making progress in the apartment, the H and I keep saying every few minutes, "Dude, what is this guy's PROBLEM???" It is so obvious that the guy has not cleaned in like, 3 years. On Tuesday we started throwing out a whole bunch of his stuff and when we went through the kitchen sink cabinet, we found all of my cleaning products that I had left behind. They were all clustered together way in the back gathering dust. I was kinda like, "Wow, so he basically just never cleaned ever since he came into the apartment! My cleaning products have not been used since last time I lived here!" (And believe you me, I left a LOT of cleaning products behind).

The most disgusting part has been cleaned - the toilet. In fact, we even bought a new toilet seat because it was just so gross. Yesterday when we cleaned the kitchen, there was like some weird moldy dirt all around the kitchen sink and when we cleaned the stove, there was like all this dried food stuck everywhere, including INSIDE the stove top - like dried pasta, garlic, etc. "Ugh," I had said, while vacuuming the inside of the stove top, "no wonder this guy has been single for 3 years. He has some seriously questionable hygiene. Like, okay, so you don't like to clean - at least hire a cleaning lady to come once a week or something. I mean, who can LIVE in this kind of a mess? You have to wonder how often he showers!" To which the H replied, "Well, considering how dirty the bathtub and shower were, I'd have to say he must have showered regularly, but maybe it wasn't very efficient considering the build up of dirt in there..."

The guy still has not contacted me yet regarding the rent (and last month's ConEd bill, which I just received, for $81 from March 14 - April 14; I'm going to have to ask him to pay like $65 of it, since I wasn't really there until April 14th when H and I went over to check out the damage. Earlier this week though, I did get an email from him saying he was just recovering from pneumonia. I sort of feel sorry for him, because he obviously has been very sick and has financial problems - I received a bunch of mail for him, and among them were tons of credit card and bank bills as well as several doctor's bills and medical lab bills - so he wasn't lying when he said he had been sick with heart problems previously. At the same time, from my point of view, it's kind of like, "Well, it's not really my problem, considering the mess you left me with, plus the money you owe me." So most likely, the guy really did have pneumonia, which I am very sorry about, but it's also like, "Dude, you could have at least contacted me earlier, and where is my money? It's been like, 3 weeks now..."

The other piece of good news is that H managed to put part of my Ikea Billy bookcase together. We also opened our new joint account with HSBC US (we already are with HSBC in France). All that is left now is to install some new Ikea furniture (well, not furniture, but we bought some shelves for the bathroom and kitchen) and wait for H's social security and green card - he is pretty much blocked from doing anything in the US until he gets that social security number.

Anyway, we are off to my apartment again...hopefully it won't be too much of a nightmare - we have to take my mom's car in as we need to bring a bunch of stuff with us and bring back all the cleaning supplies for my mom's cleaning lady tomorrow. The problem is that the Pope is visiting New York right now, so there will most likely be some major nightmare traffic going on. Oh, well. At least progress is being made and that is always good. (But still, who DOES THAT to an apartment that they SUBLETED?!)

Nightmare

It's been awhile and I've been busy, busy, busy!

I've had four interviews so far - 2 with headhunters, and 2 for jobs (1 of which was provided via the headhunter). Like in France (or anywhere else), entry level positions into the more prestigious houses are hard to come by - I mean, theoretically, if you worked at Chanel for example, you would not be planning on leaving anytime soon! I've mostly interviewed with a few higher price point contemporary brands (none of which do runway) but I don't have much US experience as a designer, so at least it would get the ball rolling.

However, I've been busiest with my apartment. I had subleted it out for the time that I was in Paris to this guy. I had forewarned him back in like, February, that I would take back my apartment in May. Unfortunately, the guy emailed me like, this weekend and said he had vacated the apartment as of April 1st. Back when the guy moved in, I made him pay me a $100 security deposit. I know, I know, it's not a lot, but I had subleted my apartment several times previously and had never really had any problems. Plus, this time, as I would be leaving for an incredibly extended period of time, I had cleared all my stuff out of the place, except for the furniture.

Well, suffice it to say, when I went to check on the state of my apartment yesterday, I was quite shocked! The place was absolutely FILTHY. Not just a little dirty, but really, truly, FILTHY. My air conditioner (which I had bought since the apartment didn't have one before, and Manhattan in the summer without air conditioning is akin to suicide) was completely broken - the entire front cover was lying on the floor along with the filter, wires hanging out of it, paper bags stuffed into the vents, and a large gap on the side of the window. The smoke alarm has been taken apart for some odd reason. My bathtub is disgustingly (and possibly permanently) yellowed. The knob to switch between the shower and bath is missing, as is the plug for the bathtub. My shower curtain has disappeared along with my coffee table, and my cheap Ikea bookshelves have been dismantled and are lying in a heap on the floor. There are 4 dirty glasses in the sink, a thick film of dust all over the place, and some creepy yellow liquid in the vegetable crisper in the fridge (which I think might be beer seeing as there are about 12 bottles of beer in the fridge). Plus, I had this desk from Ikea that had a shelf system attached to it, which has also been dismantled. Pots and pans are sitting in heap on a dirty stove (though the pots and pans seem to be somewhat clean) and there is a piece of silver foil with crumbs sitting inside the oven. The only good part was that the freezer had been defrosted and was extraordinarily clean, but still, I was really, really shocked. I mean, who takes apart your furniture??? It's a SUBLET, not a permanent rental!

Anyway, I was planning on bitching out the guy - he still has an extra set of keys for some reason, and I definitely want them back. The problem is, he still has not finished paying the March rent, and owes another $800 or so. I like to think that I am a nice and sympathetic person, and I understand that this guy has been having a hard time recently - I think he is in trouble with the IRS, and he doesn't really have health insurance since he is a freelance graphic artist, and I know he had some major health problems recently, which included a stay in the hospital. He also managed to find an apartment, but had to hand over a 3 month security deposit. I know that life can be tough, and I know what it's like, but still, my apartment looks like it has been trashed!

I told the H the whole story and he was nonchalant about paying an extra month's rent for April, but pointed out that once Ikea furniture has been taken apart, you most likely cannot put it back together again. We might have to hire a cleaning person to come in and clean the place up, and I guess we'll be getting some newer furniture, or at least putting up some shelves. Plus, we'll have to buy a new air conditioner, so these are more expenses that we were not counting on. Everyone says that since the guy still owes me $800+ for last month's rent, I should not bitch him out as this means that he might just not pay me the money he owes, and that I should be courteous. But still, who DOES THAT to a sublet???

Anyway, the H is arriving on Sunday night, so we'll see what we can do. I've emailed the guy asking him to meet me on Monday at the apartment as there are several things we need to discuss, and if he could please bring the check for the remainder of the March rent.

It's called "Star WarS"...

One of the better things about being back in the US is hearing words the way they are meant to be pronounced.

Much as the French hate to admit it, English has managed to creep its way into French vocabulary, but what is kind of endearing (or annoying, depending on my mood) is how the French have Frenchified it all.

For example:
Tum Onks = Tom Hanks.
Reeshar Zsere = Richard Gere
Patreeck Swayz = Patrick Swayze (I gotta admit, hearing "Patreeck Swayz" still makes me crack up)
Brad Peet = Brad Pitt
Nyk = Nike
Levees = Levis
Star War = Star Wars
Ow I Met Yore Mozere = How I Met Your Mother (that TV show that FSIL is a big fan of. Except when she was telling me about it, she kept pronouncing it in French and I was very confused for about 10 minutes)
Owse = House (the TV show) (That one also threw me off, when this summer FSIL's friend was all, "Oh my gosh you have to watch this new TV show called Owse, it's really good!" and I was like, "Oooh, I never heard of it, is it an American show?")
Arnaud et Willy = Different Strokes
Zsorge Cloonay = George Clooney
Goldie Awn = Goldie Hawn
Gweeness Paltrow = Gwyneth Paltrow
Eetan Awk = Ethan Hawke
Reese Weesserspoooon = Reese Witherspoon
Uma Tureman = Uma Thurman
Neecole Keedmahn = Nicole Kidman
"un sweet" = sweats
Calveen Klah = Calvin Klein
Cate Blonshett = Cate Blanchett
Eees Legere = Heath Ledger
Michale/Keerk Dooglass = Michael/Kirk Douglas
U Gront = Hugh Grant
Lahdee Dee = Princess Diana of Wales (or Lady Di, as the French call her)
Eeex Men = The X-Men
Zsorge/Barr-Barah Booosh = George/Barbara Bush
Ilary/Beel Cleentonn = Hillary/Bill Clinton
Meet Rohmnay = Mitt Romney
Beep-Beep (actually spelled "Bip-Bip" in French) = Road Runner
Mee-kay = Mickey Mouse
Kees Reechars = Keith Richards
Meek Jaggere = Mick Jagger
Bub Deelahn = Bob Dylan
Justeen Teembearlake = Justin Timberlake
Orrrr-Aaay = Jorge (not a celebrity or anything, but the name of this Mexican guy who married this French girl I know. I only met him once at a wedding of this other couple, and I was all, "Hey, what's your name?" and he was like, "Zsorge" and I was like, "Cool, where are you from?" and he said, "Mexico" and I went, "Oh! So, is your name really Jorge?" and he said, "Yes, but French people can't pronounce my name." Then these French people standing near us overheard and they asked in alarm, "How do you pronounce your name????" Then they tried saying "Jorge" for 15 minutes before they gave up).

**Edit:
Estair = Hester (from The Scarlet Letter). I just remembered when I was a student in Paris and I watched part of The Scarlet Letter on TV and I was really confused for about 20 minutes. I hadn't read the book since high school and then they kept referring to Demi Moore as Estair. I was all confused, like, "I don't remember any Esther in the book....let alone as the main character, which Demi Moore must surely be..." Then when the movie was over I was like, "Ohhhh! Hester Prynne!!!!"