Mrs.

When The H (husband) and I were discussing getting married, the topic of me taking his last name came up.

He made it very clear that though he would respect any choice I made, he would really prefer it if I took his last name.

As for myself, I didn't really care one way or another - there didn't seem to be any real advantage or disadvantage involved, though I did think it would be fun to try out a new signature (should I take the H's last name).

Finally, I figured, "why not?" and I ended up taking his last name.

But when the H and I went into the Préfecture for my carte de séjour renewal, he was disappointed to discover that I would still have my maiden name on the carte. He made it a point to ask the young fonctionnaire (her cubicle was decorated with heavy metal band stickers and empty cigarette boxes) about this. "Ah," she said. "Well, the thing is, for the French government, you will always be listed under your maiden name. But we can put on your carte de séjour "nom de mariée" (married name) under your maiden name." The H was not very happy about it, but there wasn't much he could do.

Last week, I headed out to the sécu (healthcare office). It says on the official website that you are supposed to notify them when you change your marital status. So I went over, armed with copies of my passport page, my récipissé (a large, unwieldly temporary carte de séjour that one uses while waiting for the actual one to arrive), the H's national ID card, and my all-important Carte Vitale (a green credit card-like thing that has all your info on it, and that you hand over to the doctor and/or the pharmacist) as well as photocopies of our marriage certificate and the all-important "Livret de famille" (an official booklet that is impossible to modify; it is given to all people who get married, with all your official info in there, plus you are supposed to write in the names of your children when you have them).

I went up to the male receptionist/fonctionnaire and explained my situation: "I'm covered by my partner, with whom I was pacsed, but now we are married!" The receptionist stared at me. "Yeah, and...?" "Oh, well, isn't there anything I need to update? Like, the fact that we're not pacsed, but married?" The receptionist looked very bored and said, "Well, I guess, but only if you change your last name." "Oh, well, yes, in fact, I am changing my last name." "Okay, so you'll need a copy of your livret de famille..." he started. "Oh, I have all that with me," I said. "Okay, well, then here's your number and you can speak with someone in the back".

I took my number and waited about 5 minutes before I was called to one of the fonctionnaire's desk, a nice middle-aged man. "Yes, how can I help you?" he asked. So I started my whole spiel again: "Well, I was pacsed, but now I'm married..." "Yeah, and....?" said the fonctionnaire. "And, I thought I would update our records?" I asked. "Oh, well, only if you plan on changing your last name." said the fonctionnaire. "Ah, yes, well, here are all the photocopies of the necessary documents," I said, pulling out a giant envelope. "Uh, I just need the photocopy of the livret de famille, please," he replied. After handing over the copy, he clicked around on his computer, and changed my last name. "That's it," he said. "Anything else?" "Um. No, I guess not," I answered, and left.

I told the H that I had been to the sécu that evening, and he was all, "Oh, good, so now they know we are married and they will update everything?" "Um, actually, they just updated my last name. They didn't really care about it. They said the last name was the only thing I needed to update, that is, if I planned on taking yours."

The H has since been annoyed about the whole thing, saying "You know, it's not marked ANYWHERE that you officially have MY last name now! When people get married, the wife takes the husband's last name! You're not supposed to be marked everywhere under your maiden name, and then with a separate line "married name"!" he huffed.

The only consolation I can think of for the H is that with my passport, I imagine they will put me under my new married name, but first I have to figure out how to get it done from here. I have been to the US Embassy website and looked it up, but it just seems quite confusing - I even called the embassy, only to find out that they don't answer calls from US citizens before 3 p.m. in the afternoon. It says that I am supposed to do it all by mail, but that I have to send in only original documents, and that it will be done at the Passport Center in New Hampshire. However, the H and I are thinking seriously of taking a mini-vacation in the next few weeks (my heart is set on the Baltic countries) so I guess we'll have to wait and see afterwards.