Things I Learned This Week

Here is a list of new things that I learned this week:

- It is totally abnormal and unnatural for a non-French person to not speak French.
- All Jewish people eat Kosher food.
- Americans do not believe in evolution. All Americans think that the world was created by God. This means that all Americans are very, very religious.
- It is NOT normal to watch a movie in its original language. Everyone is supposed to watch them dubbed into French. Thus:
- The cruelest thing you can do to a French person is insist that they watch an American movie in English with French subtitles.
- The euros of a non-French person are not as good as the euros of a French person.
- American women like being fat. They spend their time fattening up. The fatter, the better.
- On the contrary, French women are very skinny. They spend their time losing weight. Obviously, this also means:
- It is better to be anorexic than it is to be super fat.
- The French are a very sporty people. So sporty and athletic that French athletes are always medal contenders in every single sport. French athletes are a threat to athletes who are from countries that always win medals - like the U.S., Russia, China, Japan....
- It is perfectly fine for the French to offer citizenship to a foreign athlete so they can compete for France. But it is not okay when America does the same thing.
- People from Guadeloupe and Martinique are only really considered French when they happen to be top athletes.
- If you are a français de souche (meaning you have 100% French bloodlines) then you are automatically superior to everyone else in the world.
- American athletes are always medal contenders in sports not because they work hard and like to win, but because there are lots of people in our country.
- It is considered very odd if you do not have a minimum of 5 weeks of paid vacation in your job.
- When receiving foreign friends in France, it is normal and expected to let them deal with everything themselves - you are not supposed to do stuff like pick them up from the airport, or drive them places and show them the sights. But if you receive a French person in a foreign country, then you are expected to take very good care of them and chaperone them everywhere.
- Sarkozy is considered "The American President" here because he does stuff like get photographed in the press with his family, wears Prada, goes jogging, and shakes hands with foreign leaders - all things that only American presidents do, apparently.
- In the same manner, Cecilia Sarkozy (Nicolas's wife) uncannily resembles Jackie Kennedy Onassis in every possible way. (Because Jackie Kennedy also wore lots of Prada, had lots of kids, was previously married to a media mogul, and takes walks on the beach).