Proof that fonctionnaires are assholes on purpose

This morning the BF accompanied me to the mairie where we ended up confronted by the same mean fonctionnaire who handled our dossier for the wedding. The BF started off by explaining the problem of the comma, since my first name is Parisian New Yorker and NOT Parisian.

The fonctionnaire sat smugly facing us as though daring us to challenge her. She was all, "No, I am sorry, but there is nothing I can do for you because as I explained last time, your first name is Parisian and your middle name is New Yorker." "NO!" I screeched. "My first name is Parisian NewYorker! There just HAPPENS to be a space! Just because people in France don't do it doesn't mean other people in the world don't do it either!" "You know, I would take it out, but the computer won't let me because a space means that it is two first names." stated the fonctionnaire. "Ah!" I said, brandishing a copy of my original birth certificate. "See, it says here: Last Name, First Name, and Middle Name. Note that under "Middle name" I don't have "NewYorker" written down. NewYorker is part of the first name!" The fonctionnaire frowned. "Ah," she said, whipping out the certified French translation. "But, here in the translation, it says, "Nom, Prénom: Parisian NewYorker". This means that NewYorker is your middle name." "Ah!" I exclaimed. "But, if I had two first names, it would say, "Nom, PrénomS". So you see, because "prénom" is in the singular, this means that I have only one first name and this is ParisianNewYorker, not Parisian."

The BF tried to interject neutrally. "All we are saying, is that ParisianNewYorker is her entire first name, so if you could just get rid of the comma somehow, as this will cause a lot of problems later on when we have children, for example, and also for her paperwork in the U.S." The fonctionnaire folded her hands on the table. "Nope, sorry. Your first name is Parisian and your middle name is NewYorker." "Look," I said desperately. "Isn't there something you can do to help me? I mean, I don't know what else I can do to convince you that my entire first name is Parisian NewYorker." "Hmmmm," said the fonctionnaire thoughtfully. "Tell me, is it the space in the first name, or the comma that is upsetting you?" "The comma!" said the BF and I at the same time. "There is no comma! It's her entire first name, it just happens to have a space in between. Like Jean-Pierre except there is no dash." "Well, if it is just a problem with the comma, then I can totally take it out," said the fonctionnaire. "Really?" I asked, surprised. "Well, I can take it out, but only if your first name were Parisian NewYorker, but your first name is Parisian and your middle name is NewYorker, so I'm sorry, I cannot take it out."

The BF and I rolled our eyes. The whole situation was just going completely out of control, what with the fonctionnaire wielding her power over us and refusing to cooperate. I begged her to help me find a solution, whereupon she said, "Well, I suppose you could ask your embassy for a notarized document stating that Parisian NewYorker is your entire first name. Then maybe I can do something about the comma." The BF frowned. "Do embassies even do these kinds of documents? What is this document called, officially?" The fonctionnaire shrugged. "I have no idea. I don't know if this documents exists, so I cannot tell you the name of the document you must ask for." "But," protested the BF, "if this document does not exist, then what else can we do?" "I don't know," said the fonctionnaire calmly. "But I must have this document if you want me to get rid of the comma. Good day."

As we left the mairie the BF was in a huge rage. "How dare she!" he yelled on the street. "She was totally doing it on purpose. She is just absolutely convinced that she is correct about your first name and she won't listen to reason. Now you have to go chase down some non-existent notarized document from the US Embassy for no reason whatsoever other than to satisfy that ho. Not to mention, how much do you want to bet she will suddenly change her mind should we happen to get a hold of this document, and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, this document is not good enough?"

"Hmmm," I said. "Maybe the embassy will be very understanding."