Administrative Nightmare!

On Monday, I went to renew my carte de séjour. It went pretty smoothly - the BF and I have an appointment to pick up the actual card after the wedding. Even though it will be in exactly the same category as the one I currently hold ("vie privée et familiale") I will need to bring proof of our marriage as that will change my "situation de famille", or family situation, meaning that instead of being Pacsed, we will be married.

One of the documents I needed to provide for this first step of renewal was a notarized document from the mairie, or city hall, saying that we were getting married. I noticed when I handed the document over at the renewal place that the mairie had made a mistake with my first name. (I will just use "parisiannewyorker" in place of my actual first name). So instead of "ParisianNewYorker", they had written "Parisian, New Yorker". The BF said I should probably stop by the mairie on my way home to see if they could correct it for me.

So I stopped by the mairie and was greeted by a fonctionnaire, to whom I explained the situation. "Ah," she said. "Well, let me get your dossier, and I'll see about that". She arrived minutes later with the dossier and looked at my birth certificate. The thing is, on my birth certificate, my first name does indeed have a space, so it is "Parisian NewYorker". (What can I say? My mom was at the forefront of weird baby names). "See?" I pointed out to the fonctionnaire. "There is no comma in between my name. Could you please delete it?" The fonctionnaire looked and said, "Ah, yes. Well, let me get on the computer and try to fix it." She sat down and I guess she started looking up my file when another fonctionnaire passed by and was all "Hey, whatcha doing?" This same fonctionnaire then said, "Oh, I did this dossier. You can't get rid of the comma. I asked Guillaume and he said it was not possible." The other fonctionnaire then turned to me and said, "I'm sorry, but I cannot delete the comma in your first name." "Why not?" I asked, totally confused. "There is no comma in my name, can't you just delete it? It's a space, not a comma."

The fonctionnaire peered at me through her large glasses. "No, I cannot. You see, because there is a space in your first name, it counts as two different names, and the comma automatically goes in there. Nope, sorry, I can't change it, and it will appear this way on your marriage certificate." I stared disbelievingly at her. "What do you mean you can't delete it? I told you, there is no comma in my first name! It's not my first name AND middle name, it's my first name. What am I going to do when I renew my carte de séjour? They're going to say that the name on my marriage certificate doesn't match with all my other official documents."

"I just told you," the fonctionnaire said self-righteously. "Look, we base our documents on the birth certificates, not the passports. So, since there is a space, that means that it is a first name and a middle name. I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do about the comma. I just cannot delete it, the computer won't let me." "Well, can't you just delete the space?" I asked desperately. "Look," I said, showing her my passport and carte de séjour. "There is no space between the two." "I just told you," the fonctionnaire repeated, "we base everything on the birth certificate. Now, if this presents a problem for you, what you have to do is go to the courthouse and ask for an official change of first name. I'll even give you the address of the courthouse where you have to go", she said, generously. "Look, I will even write down what you have to ask for: you must ask for a "recitification de prénom" and then they will change it for you. But you have to have a recent copy of your birth certificate and a recent official translation." "Well, can you give me back the originals I gave you of my birth certificate?" I asked. "It's a real hassle to get a new copy from the U.S. and it costs 180 euros for the translation." "No, these are mine," she said definitively. "I cannot give you back the originals." "What?" I said, all confused again. "I have to go to the courthouse and ask them to change my first name back to what it is originally just because you supposedly can't delete a comma that is not even supposed to be there in the first place? This is YOUR mistake, not mine," I pointed out. The fonctionnaire stared at me, steely-faced. "No, I cannot change it. The computer says it is a first name and a middle name because of the space."

My head started spinning and aching. "I'm sorry," I said, "but let me get this straight: you can't delete a comma that is non-existent on my birth certificate, so you are going to add in a comma to separate my first name, and it will appear this way on my marriage certificate even though this comma is not on my birth certificate? So I have to pay another 200 euros to get a new birth certificate and translation to ask the court to change my first name to the way it normally is? Because you can't delete the comma that doesn't exist?" I started rubbing my forehead in an attempt to relieve the crushing pain accumulating in the space above my eyebrows. "Yes, this is correct," the fonctionnaire said curtly. "I am sorry, there is nothing I can do. It is not possible to change this. Good-bye."

I called the BF when I got home and explained the whole story. "What?!" he exclaimed angrily. "What do you mean, they can't delete the comma? They added it in there, it's not on your birth certificate!" "I know, I said, searching desperately for some Advil for my throbbing head. "But they said it is not possible to change it and we have to go to the courthouse to have it changed." "But that is going to cost us another 200 euros!" he exclaimed. "And", he added, "they are sending us to the courthouse to change your name as if you wanted to change your name officially to Marie or something like that." "Ugh," I whined. "There is nothing I can do about it anymore. I tried to argue, but you know how the fonctionnaires are! Plus, I'm a foreigner and thus stupid, and she can do whatever she wants. She had me beat before I even walked in there. YOU should go and talk to her." "What, you think she's going to be nice to ME?" asked the BF. "I don't stand a chance. The only time being French works to my advantage is when we go and take care of YOUR papers, because they are French fonctionnaires dealing with foreigners all day, so they are happy when a French person comes in. But the mairie deals with French people all day, so I don't have an advantage. They are just as mean to me as they are to you." "Well," I said, lying down on the couch, "you should know how to deal with them. You are French. You are one of them. YOU go talk to them." The BF grumbled. "Fine. We'll go next week. That way I can discuss with my mom what I should say; she's really good at dealing with fonctionnaires. Oh, and if my brother's girlfriend is there this weekend we can ask her too. She works at a mairie, so she can confirm if what they say is true, and if not, she can tell us what to say to them. But personally, I find it very odd that they can't just delete a comma. What kind of software does that?" "The French kind," I said, curtly. "I need to lie down quietly now. This whole thing has given me a migraine."