A Functionary in the Family

Some time last year, FSIL landed a new job, working for the "Conseil Generale de Seine et Marne". I have no idea what that is, but it's some sort of government job in the Seine and Marne region (where the in-laws live).

Several times, we all asked FSIL what her new job was, exactly, as no one really understood:
Everyone: So, what is your job again?
FSIL: I work at the Conseil Generale de Seine et Marne.
H: You're a functionary!
FSIL: (haughty) No, I am not a functionary, I am a "juriste".
Me: What's that?
FSIL: I work in the legal department.
Me: So...are you like...a paralegal? 'Cause didn't you like...not pass the bar exam? Which means that like...you are NOT a lawyer?
FSIL: I guess. But I work for the government.
H: Ha! You are totally a functionary!
FSIL: (snooty) No, I am not sitting at the desks dealing with the general public. I work in the legal department.
H: Whatever.
Me: Oooh. So, what do you do in the legal department?
FSIL: You know. Legal stuff that has to do with the regional administration blah blah blah blah blah.
Everyone: (nodding along, trying not to look confused) Oh. Sounds....interesting.

Seeing as FSIL has been at her job for about a year, she can now count on job security for life. Most companies will put you on a CDD contract that lasts 3 months, after which they will put you onto a permanent contract, or they let you go. But when you work for the government, you have a one year temporary contract, after which they keep you or let you go. FSIL is lucky in that she gets to keep her job and from now on, she will never be fired. EVER.

Now, H has a thing about people who work for the government - in that he can't stand them. I guess it all started when I made him come with me to get my carte de séjour renewed, and when we arrived at the police station, we were greeted by the sight of 6 government workers sitting at the front desk reading newspapers and doing crossword puzzles. We had arrived at around 11 am, and waited in line for about an hour. At noon, all 6 people reading their newspapers simultaneously got up and went outside for a cigarette, came back inside, folded their newspapers, and then left for a 2 hour lunch. H was outraged at the sight of how his tax euros were being spent and kept whispering loudly, "Did you SEE those people sitting at the front reading newspapers??? If they would get off their asses and work, we wouldn't have had to wait for an hour! I can't BELIEVE this is how they spend our tax money!"

Anyway, to get back to FSIL: a typical conversation whenever we go to the in-laws is this:
H: Where are BIL and FSIL?
MIL: Oh, they went away for the weekend.
H: (incredulously): AGAIN??????!!!!
MIL: Yes.
H: Where are they now?
MIL: They went to Turkey this weekend. Oh! Next weekend they are going to the Alps!
H: What??? AGAIN???
MIL: Yes. FSIL had a four day weekend 2 weeks ago, last week she had Friday off, and this weekend she has Monday off, and then next weekend she has a week vacation.
H: (outraged): What the HELL? Why is FSIL always going on vacation? Better yet, why does she have so many freaking RTT's? (paid days off: apparently FSIL gets 1 RTT every other week) She JUST GOT BACK from the Reunion Islands like...3 weeks ago, where, might I point out, she was on vacation for 2 WHOLE WEEKS.
MIL: (defensively) FSIL works for the government. She gets RTT's every other week AND she gets a minimum of 6 weeks paid vacation a year. Isn't that great? She's got such a GREAT JOB!!!! (beaming proudly)
H: (scowling furiously): This is an outrage! I can't BELIEVE she gets all that time off!
MIL: Oh, and when they send her to Dunkerque for paid training, she gets extra RTT's.
H: WHAT?!!?!?!?!?! Ugh! This is disgusting! I can't BELIEVE she has all that PAID vacation time! Those are OUR TAXES!!!!
MIL: (very annoyed): You're just JEALOUS of FSIL because she has a GREAT JOB working for the GOVERNMENT. You know, instead of complaining and whining and being jealous of her, you should work for the government too. Did you know, when FSIL got hired, she got a welcome bonus?
H: NO! I don't want to work for the stupid government!
MIL: Well, then you should stop being jealous of FSIL.
H: I'm not jealous of her! I just don't think she should be getting all that time off. I mean, she JUST started like, a year ago. And she's already had like, 6 months worth of vacation time. I just think it's not a good way of spending our tax money.
MIL (huffy): Well, I don't understand why you're so upset! I mean, it's SO beneficial for FSIL. You know, she wants to have children soon...
H: Yes, we know, she wants to get married, buy a house, and have kids with BIL like, RIGHT NOW. I don't think he's so into the idea.
Me: Yeah. It's like, way too much at once for BIL. She needs to chill out and take it one at a time.
MIL: (huffy): Well, I don't blame FSIL for being so impatient. BIL is a commitment-phobe! She's got an EXCELLENT JOB FOR LIFE, so now she can finally settle down, not to mention she's 30 now and she SHOULD be settling down and having babies. (looking pointedly at me) Do you realize, when I was first pregnant, I was 25??? I already had TWO CHILDREN by the time I was FSIL's age. And when she has children, this job is just IDEAL because she will have SO MUCH FREE TIME to spend with her kids! I mean, look at you and Parisian New Yorker. Parisian New Yorker wants to hire a nanny when she has kids! We all know how barbaric that would be!
Me: Dude, whatever! Nannies are SO necessary. I mean, I would like to SLEEP once in awhile once I have kids. If there's no nanny, that means I get NO SLEEP. Besides, it's like, human nature to have help for the kids. I mean, did you know, back in the Middle Ages, the aristocrats weren't allowed to raise their own children, and they had to ship them off to their own castles and stuff and the princes and princesses had to be formally educated? Like, in the 16th century, Henry VIII's first wife Catherine of Aragon gave birth to Princess Mary Tudor, who eventually came to be known as Bloody Mary during her reign...
FIL (interrupting my lecture on Tudor England): Well, you have to admit, FSIL DOES have an awful lot of vacation time.
H: THANK YOU! I don't think she deserves all that free time. Do you know what she does all day at work? She reads catalogs and feeds that stupid goldfish she keeps on her desk.
MIL: (huffy) She doesn't do JUST that. She has WORK, you know. I mean, she works in the LEGAL DEPARTMENT.
H: Yeah, and that's why whenever we ask her how work is going, she tells us her fish is doing very well.
Me: Ooh! Yesterday I went to the mairie to get a copy of our marriage certificate for H's US visa, and the functionary was reading catalogs! He had one from Leroy Merlin and one from Brico-whatever. Bricoland? Bricorama? Bricomaison? I bet he's redecorating!
H: Ha! That is SOOOOOOOOO typical.
Grandma: Eh. FSIL works for the government. She gets a LOT of paid vacation. H isn't jealous.
Janine (Grandma's Best Friend): (shaking her head): Hmmmmph! FSIL gets an awful lot of vacation time. It IS outrageous!
H: I know, right? She like, JUST STARTED.
Janine: (nodding in agreement). Yes. And she is ALWAYS away on vacation every weekend. I think she spends more time on vacation than she does in her office.
H: I KNOW!
MIL: Well, I still think you are just jealous. You should get a job as a functionary, then I bet you wouldn't be complaining about all that free vacation time!